March 1st and snow covers the ground. After a week of mild temperatures, Colorado was blasted with yet another cold front, bringing wind, snow, and ice. After a day like today, spring feels distant. Which is fitting for me. As some of you might know, March is a hard time.
Three years ago March, my oldest sister and family were in a fatal car accident during Spring Break. My nephew, Jeremy, died on scene. My sister, Pam, passed a week later. I remember discrete moments of that month. Getting the phone call while driving up South Lamar. Sitting next to a quiet gentlemen on the plane. Holding Pam’s hand. Curling up beside my other sister on the floor of Pam’s bedroom.
There is much I wish I could have told Pam. There are many things I wish we could have shared. We weren’t as close as we should have been, could have been. And I mourn this almost as much as I mourn her passing.
So this last week, as February ended and March began, anxiety crept in. My muscles felt more tense. My mind raced in a thousand directions.
I know this isn’t particularly uplifting (and for this I apologize…I understand all too well how quickly a post or an article can sour one’s mood). BUT I tell you this because in the past week, I’ve also been surrounded by so much love. Most people don’t know what this month means to me, and yet I’ve experienced their small, quiet acts of kindness as gifts sent from above.
So thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving those in your own lives. We all need to practice and receive more gentle care than we know.
I made these peanut butter maple cookies on Friday evening. One of my sweet friends (who photographed my pregnancy and birth) had posted a batch of cookies to her instagram. They looked like the perfect way to fill a Friday afternoon…and they were. These peanut butter cookies are sugar free. I used a combination of maple syrup and honey to sweeten the batch, and let me tell you…I can’t stop eating them. They would be perfect as an afternoon snack for your little one (or your big one). They’re certainly perfect for me.
Naturally Sweet Peanut Butter Cookies
1 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup organic butter, melted and cooled
1 egg
1/3 cup maple syrup
1/3 cup honey (you could use just honey or just maple syrup)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and sea salt. Set aside. In a larger bowl, stir together peanut butter, melted butter, maple syrup, and honey. Beat in egg and vanilla. Stir dry ingredients into wet ingredients until dough forms.
On a parchment lined baking sheet, arrange rounds of cookie dough. Press down with fork. Place in freezer for 10-15 minutes (or while your oven heats to 350 degrees Fahrenheit). Bake for 8 minutes, or until the lightest of golden brown.
Remove from oven and allow to stand for 5 minutes on cookie sheet before removing to wire rack to cool.
Oh luv, anniversaries of such devastating events are so gutting. XO I’m so glad you’re surrounded by loving, supportive people, and that you have delicious bites like these to cheer your heart as you mourn and celebrate your family. XO
Don’t apologize for being honest, and letting your feelings flow through.
I don’t understand how families and friends involved in such tragic events can recover, in a way I don’t think recovery is an appropriate term. You simply somehow enclose that sadness in a box and try to ignore it as you move on with life, but at each anniversary, each flash back from little things that happen day to day, a smell, a phrase, a flower, a movie – that box opens up and with it intense pain all over again
a big virtual hug going your way….
I am so incredibly sad to hear that terrible story. It must be hard. I’m sorry.
These cookies surely look like something nice to fill your Friday afternoon with 🙂
These cookies look perfect! I can’t resist a homemade PB cookie EVER!
Monet,
I remember those horrific March days and how you grieved. With help and love of your family and friends, youwere able to move forward. Now I see a strong, beautiful mother reflecting on the past, and again with the love of family and friends will move forward. After all, you now have Lucy to light up your life, and these yummy peanut butter cookies.
Hugs!
sending you warm hugs my friends…i am sure this time of the year is so difficult for you guys..but i am sure your sister and nephew is watching over and smiling at you. XOXO
A big hug.
Words and cookies from the heart. <3
I hope this month passes easily for you – as easily as it can.
Oh Monet, I hope that you continue to be surrounded by lots of love as you get through this month. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel, but know that I am sending lots of virtual hugs your way friend! And these cookies do look perfect – I really love that it’s only honey and maple syrup to sweeten them up.
Such a sad story Monet! Lovely cookies, I love that they are sweetened with honey and maple syrup! It’s great to keep things simple and natural.
Oh Monet, I’m so sorry. You’ve been through so much and yet you have one of the most beautiful, uplifting outlooks. You are truly such an amazing woman. You’re a wonderful mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and so much more so it’s no wonder that you have so many people who love you!
These cookies look so lovely and comforting-I adore the fact that you’ve just slightly sweetened them with honey and maple syrup. So tasty!
What a hard month this is for you and your family. Losses are so, so touch around holidays and around the time of a loved one’s passing. I’m thinking of you during this difficult month *hugs* and I’m so glad you have oodles of love in your life.
Such courage it must have taken to write this. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life, truly. I cannot even imagine. You do whatever you need to in March…or any time for that matter. Looks like a delicious recipe! Who doesn’t love peanut butter? Have a nice evening 🙂
Monet, my heart goes out to you. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know your sister is still with you, and this post is a beautiful remembrance of her. I lost my dad 8 years ago this month, so March can be hard for me too. I hope you find comfort in warm memories! Sending much love and many blessings.
I can’t think of a better way to bring love and light into your heart during this month than by doing something you enjoy, like baking. I think that as humans, grief is always such a difficult emotion to deal with (and more so when we have regret attached to it) because we always see ourselves as separate from a higher source and “heaven.” When we lose someone, we see it as exactly that – a loss. But I’ve been an avid follower of Dr. Wayne Dyer for years now and he’s helped me with my own grief and perspective on life and death a lot, and he’s taught me that we’re never really disconnected from our loved ones (we never really lose them), even if our mind convinces us that we have due to our physical realities. I just thought I’d recommend his books to you if you were interested in gathering a new perspective on grief and death. I’ll be sending you love and joy in my thoughts and prayers. xo
Sorry to hear that March is a rough month for you Monet – I’m sending big hugs to you and your family. Stay strong!
These cookies look perfect, and I love the fact that they’re sugar free. I’ll have to try them soon.
xxxxx
I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain, but I am happy that you’ve also gotten to experience such amazing love and support. Sending big hugs your way from the south. And I agree that those cookies look absolutely perfect. Just the sort of pick me up we all need every now and then.
What yummy looking peanut butter cookies.
I love a good peanut butter cookie. These look amazing, thank you for sharing!
I am so sorry for your loss, and also so glad to hear that your support system is so strong. Even on the Internet, we all feel your pain. Continue to be amazing and good things can only follow!
I’m sorry that each March you will relive this horrific accident. I’m certain Pam knows the love you have for her.
PS…your pb cookies look fantastic!
Naturally sweet and….beautiful. Love your pictures 🙂 ela
such simple and great looking cookies!
This is a sad yet beautiful post, the kind of post that keeps me reading blog after blog. because it stirs emotions and makes me think, love and be grateful. So thank you, for the post and for this recipe, that I will definitely be trying.
I’m so sorry you had to experience all these losses- sounds like you have had wonderful people and supports in your life.
they look perfect!
Unhappy anniversaries like that really are a downer. Although they’re sad, it’s also good to remember the happy times, and be glad that at least you have those memories. Still tough, though, I know. Anyway, lovely PB cookies. Really nicely photographed, too.
Sending you all my love xx
Oh Monet, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and nephew. That’s just unspeakably awful. I lost a sister many years ago, too. We weren’t very close, either, and like you I have always grieved that fact. I’m so glad that you’re surrounded by so much love and support. I am sending you much of that, too.
On another note, these are just the prettiest peanut butter cookies I’ve ever seen. I bet the honey and maple make them taste extra earthy and chewy and delicious. Big hugs to you, dear friend.
Monet, don’t apologize for using this as an outlet for whatever you’re feeling and thinking. We, your readers, want to be here for you and support you in this difficult time. What a horrific ordeal to go through! Just know that we’re thinking of you and sending you all our love! Big hugs, girl! And more of these beautiful peanut butter cookies. Food has a wonderful way of providing comfort.
It’s always with a heavy heart we approach the time of year when we’ve lost someone we love, my heart goes out to you and your family as you honor your sister and nephew’s memory this month.
These look great- definitely need to put them on my must bake list! 🙂