Category Archives: Uncategorized

13/52

Portraits of my daughter, each week, every week, in 2014.

She loves watching dogs and eating apples. She sleeps between Ryan and me, and so wakes each morning with the people she loves most on either side. She naps at 9:00 (in my arms) at 12:00 (at my favorite coffee shop) and at 3:00 (on our afternoon walk). Unconventional, but it works.

We’re nine months into parenthood and thirteen weeks into 2014. I learn more each day to let go of control and embrace the beauty of living in the moment. My daughter is growing up before our eyes, and it’s happening quickly, just like they all said. This past week has been tiring. She’s teething and wants me to hold her all the time. But it’s also been joyful. She laughs so hard when Margot fetches her green ball or when her papa and I dance in our living room. And life is like that, isn’t it? Bittersweet. There’s good and bad, and it’s all tangled up in the mundane. The trick is learning to stop and celebrate the divine moments we’re given. Once you start paying attention, you realize there are far more than you’d ever thought.

11/52

I finally got a good night of sleep. And oh how I needed it. Only sleeping for 1 to 2 hour chunks of time is not good for your body or your soul. Thankfully, after Ryan and I went on a lovely date in Denver, we came home to a sweet grandma and a very tired baby. After nursing, Lucy fell right asleep…and stayed asleep for FIVE HOURS. I woke up, with banana bread beside me, and looked at the clock. “Five hours,” I exclaimed, “thank God!”

For the past several weeks, Lucy will wake during the night and then panic when she can’t find us (even though we’re sleeping right beside her). It’s evident she’s realized that she belongs to us and we belong to her.

So yes, separation anxiety has been at an all-time high. She gets upset when I leave the room, let alone leave the house. The tears and screams have been hard, but I’m so grateful that I have a baby who wants to be close to her mama.

Because I can’t tell you how much I love the quiet moments we share together. The way she crawls up beside me to nuzzle her head close to my chest. Or how she blows on my bare stomach only to erupt in that near perfect baby laughter

We are finding new ways to show love to each other, and it’s glorious.

I don’t know if I have ever felt like this for another human being. I love Ryan so much and I know he loves me the same, but there is something different about having a child. The love I have for Lucy is intense and scary and beautiful and all–consuming. It is teaching me so much about faith and trust. I don’t know how I will ever let her go… even though I know every parent must. The lesson will be a hard but important one. Thankfully, I have years to go. And so, in the meantime, we will enjoy snuggling together, dancing together, eating together, sleeping together, and the list goes on and on.

And thank you again for your continued support and love. I have received some of the sweetest messages over the past few weeks. We are so thankful for each one of you.

10/52

A portrait of my daughter, every week, each week of 2014. Lucy and I took a hike today. After a night of little sleep (she woke up every two hours to nurse), I needed the cool breeze and sunshine to invigorate my afternoon…and they did. We walked and talked and shared an apple as we let our eyes settle on the majesty of our neighborhood. Living within walking distance of the Garden of the Gods makes you appreciate the beauty of our world on a daily basis.

Lu explores our house more and more each day. From kitchen utensils to living room coasters to the scale in our bathroom, she manages to get her hands on most everything. Baby-proofing has become a necessity in the last few weeks. We finally bought and installed a baby gate to keep her from climbing down the stairs to visit her dad (who works in the basement).

This week has been a good one. We’ve laughed and giggled and she’s even saying, “ma-ma” now. Thank you for sending us such sweet words of encouragement. I treasure every one!

9/52

Okay. This whole, “one portrait of your daughter each week, every week, of 2014”? I’m not very good at it. Because really, how can I choose just one? As Lucy grows, I’m seeing new, surprising sides of her each day. I delight in the simple pleasure she finds in our seemingly mundane daily activities. Her laughter and smiles remind me of all that is right and good.

And how she explores now. Crawling, grasping, examining. My mother was right, “there is nothing like seeing the world anew through the eyes of your child.”

As many of you know, I’ve had a rough few weeks. Anxiety with a tinge of depression and a heavy dose of grief. But as I drove to class tonight, I was flooded with an overwhelming sense of love. I arrived on campus with mascara running down my cheeks. My spirit of fear and mourning was broken on that drive. I felt the love of a father, the love of a mother, the love of my creator. I can’t explain exactly what happened, but I feel a sense of freedom and peace tonight. A sense of freedom and peace that I’ve sorely missed.

Thank you for following and loving me on this journey. In good times and bad. As I watch my daughter grow this week, I’m reminded of how blessed I am in this journey. Yes, we’ve seen our share of sadness, but also what illuminating and wondrous joy!

7/52

A portrait of my daughter every week, each week of 2014

Something about Wednesday nights provokes the melancholy in me. I drove home from class with a heavy weight on my chest. Lucy can pull herself up now, which means she’s also prone to tumbles. She’s fallen more times than I can count this past week, and it makes me feel 1) like a bad mother and 2) afraid for what surely lies ahead.

Namely, those moments of overwhelming sorrow that all of us face.

I would do anything to keep her from all the tumbles and ills in this world, and yet I can’t. No parent ever can.

But as I type this tonight, I know that it’s often in the darkest hours that we find the depth of our souls. We discover who we are and more often than not, we realize we’re surrounded by love. So just as Lucy fell today and hit her sweet head on the floor, I swept her up into my arms and held her close until her cries turned to laughter.

And this gives me comfort. That no matter what I face, what she faces, what we all face, we’ll get through it…with love at our side.

Speaking of love, I wanted to share something very special: the breastfeeding project. Here in Colorado, I’m capturing moms nursing their children…and I don’t know if I’ve ever had a better subject, besides this little one, of course. Hop on over to cord to see the second set of photographs we’ve published online.