Some days come easier than others. I love being a mother, but I had no idea how difficult it would be to find balance between motherhood and my own creative passions. I had no idea how guilty I’d feel for leaving her with a stranger, a friend, or even a family member. I had no idea how gut-wrenching it would be to hear her cry because I wasn’t right beside her…or because I wasn’t going to nurse her for the 100th time that morning. And yet, I’m realizing, more and more, how crucial it is for my health AND her health for there to be times of separation. Not long or lasting, these moments of separation allow both of us to learn more about ourselves and the world we live in.

So we’re working towards that goal, and right now, it’s messy. She screams when I hand her off, and I just have to tell myself, “this is good for her, this is good for you,” over and over again as I walk away. Of course, when I return, there is much joy and laughter and baby kisses. But those agonizing thirty or forty minutes are hard on both of us.

The good news is that I’m carving out time for me to write. For those of you who don’t know, I have my MFA in Fiction, and my soul breathes so much freer when I’m putting in an hour or two of writing each day. I’m also carving out time to sit and stare. To allow my mind to wander as I sip on a cup of coffee or eat a sweet snack like these walnut oatmeal muffins. As a mother and as an American, it’s hard not to get up in the constant go-go-go mentality. I’m learning that in these moments away from Lucy, I need to slow down, think, examine, and rest.

These walnut oatmeal muffins are the product of several weeks of experimentation. I made about four batches before I hit on the right ingredients and proportions, but now I’m so happy with them that I make a new batch every week. They are slightly sweet, warming, and full of chopped walnuts. They make the perfect mid-morning energy boost. I eat one along with my cappuccino most every day.

Walnut Oatmeal Muffins

1 cup cooked oatmeal

4 tablespoons melted butter

2 eggs, lightly beaten

1 banana, mashed

1/2 cup coconut sugar

1 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 cup walnuts, chopped

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit and line a standard muffin pan with paper liners.

In a large bowl, combine cooked oatmeal, melted butter, beaten eggs, and mashed banana. Stir until combined and set aside. In a smaller bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Toss walnuts in flour mixture. Gently fold dry ingredients into wet ingredients, stirring only until combined.

Scoop batter into prepared muffin pan. Bake in preheated oven for 15-18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool for five minutes in pan before removing.